I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
