piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
