so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
