1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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