It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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