i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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