i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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