I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
