My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
