the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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