I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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