I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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