In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
