if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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