My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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