i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
