nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
