Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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