Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at about main and main street
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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