Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
