this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
