I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize