i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
