i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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