I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
