Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
