Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
