saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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