some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
