My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
