Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
