Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
