so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
