Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He felt like a one man threesome
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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