That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
