My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
