I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize