I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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