Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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