I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I am morally bankrupt
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
