Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
