I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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