Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
