would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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