so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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