WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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