We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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