wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
