i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
