You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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