u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
