my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
whose ass print is on the piano?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize