I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
