So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
