Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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