I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I deserve this hangover.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
