I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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