O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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