i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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