I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
