fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
