The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
