Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize