Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
