i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
