god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
