bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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