This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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