its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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