Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
