last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
