Define "chronic" masturbator.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
