Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the night ended with taco bell and tears
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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