Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
