3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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