hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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