I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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